How Do You Live

Oh hi! I’m Jiggly. And it’s a Tuesday.

This week we saw a wild NWSL Final that went in so many surprising directions, the long-awaited end to the first round of the MLS Playoffs, and the start of the WE League season. But with all that happening, I want to end the Fire’s season with some mixed thoughts on where we as fans can go from here.

How Do You Live?

I have a lot of very complicated and controversial opinions about the famed anime director Hayao Miyazaki. He’s one of those guys where if you’ve only seen his films, you’d think he’s amazing. Then you learn more about who he is and you start to see a lot of cracks in not only himself but his work. If you want a full rant about him, just find me next season at the Barn Burners’ tailgate with about 45 minutes left to kick off, and you will learn a lot about story structure and Miyazaki’s parenting skills. However, it’s something that he did that has stuck in my head for the past month since the end of the Fire season. This summer saw the release of what may well be Miyazaki’s final film, The Boy and the Heron. I was confused when I saw this name because I remembered back in 2017 when he first announced his unretirement that the film would be based on a manga called Kimitachi wa Dou Ikiru ka. Now if you pump that into Google Translate, it’s gonna give you something like “Do you guys want to live your life?” which is a slight mistranslation. In actuality, when you submit the title in the proper kanji, “君たちはどう生きるか” turns into “How do you live?”

Ever since hearing about the movie and its title, I’ve thought about that phrase a lot. It doesn’t have the same cutting intent that a phrase like that usually takes in English. We ask people who have wronged us or others, “How do you live knowing you’ve done this? How do you live with yourself?” But it’s not often that we turn it back around, take the edge off, and really ask: “How do you live?” You approach the question not in anger, but in quiet resignation. You know that you have no way out of this life, that there’s nothing you can do to change anything, but you must still live on. So how do you do that? I think that even if many fans didn’t have that vocabulary it’s a question that a majority of Fire fans have at the end of each season. How can I move forward supporting a team like this? How do you live?

There’s not really anything new I can say this week that I haven’t said before. Things suck, and they’re not getting any better. Usually, I’d try to link to one of my other columns, but really there’s just so much that I can point to that it’s a useless exercise. I think the biggest example of what’s wrong is to at least link to Tim’s article series on what Heitz has done and failed to do around here and then tell you that I believe Heitz is back for next season and possibly beyond. Not because I want him here, not because he’s earned his spot, but simply because he is here. And while my insider knowledge is incredibly limited, and the reports I’ve heard are definitely not vetted well enough to be printed yet, I fear the shitstorm that will land upon this fanbase if that information is correct. Combined, it creates a sort of fear around the club. There are different levels to this sort of thing, different stages. You start out angry. Then you start asking questions. And when you’re done asking questions of others, you start asking questions of yourself. How do you live?

I think there’s one very simple answer that comes up. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s an easy answer to come up with. You can just stop being a fan. Some would judge you. Some would welcome you into the ranks of “ex-Fire fans.” Others may say that they wouldn’t have your strength or conviction. And still, others would call you a weak “fair-weather fan.” Personally, I couldn’t blame you. My Sad Bois FC podcast co-host and MenInRed97’s own non-league Chicago soccer correspondent Adnan Bašić always says that he’s not a Fire fan anymore. It’s not exactly a running joke, but it comes up in every episode where he says, “I feel sorry for you as a Fire fan that you have to deal with this.” I’m pretty sure you can find that phrase at least once on average per every episode of Sad Bois. And at the end of the day, he’s not wrong about that sentiment. There’s only so much a person can take. When something in your life no longer sparks joy, why allow it to continue to hurt you? How do you live?

But there are many of us who refuse to walk away. There’s a line from what I think is an underrated Death Cab song, “But if I move my place in line, I’ll lose/And I have waited, the anticipation’s got me glued.” The Chicago Fire are the poster child of the sunk-cost fallacy, that the longer you’re here, the more you believe things can turn around. There’s a good chance that my dad could’ve dropped my family’s season tickets around 2013-ish. I remember having to convince him multiple times to stick around, and now that we’re among the last original season ticket holders, we have to keep going. We’re stuck in. I think there’s a lot of people who feel that same way. Maybe not with that level of buy-in, but in that level of emotion, we need to be here to see what happens next. Because someone needs to keep things alive. We need to be the ones to carry the club when it cannot carry itself. And we need to be there when things improve. That need to say “I told you so” when we see the Fire on top someday may come from a petty place, but it also comes from the same place where humans derive joy from helping others. Because it’s just enough to trick yourself into believing that you were a part of that change, that you helped the club, and that, in turn, you helped so many others. It’s a petty thing, but it comes from such a joyous and positive place that you can almost allow it. But… that’s not where we are. And we aren’t anywhere close to that yet. So until then: How do you live?

I think I’ve walked around the question long enough. I’ll be honest, usually, I put together some sort of outline to write from, I put together some research and take notes to try to find some way to wrap things up. In fact, that’s part of what I don’t like about Miyazaki’s style. He kinda just makes things up as he goes along. Many of his films start out really powerful, then they meander for a while, and end in a fairly forgettable climax. It’s heavily stylized and beautiful looking, but in the end you’re left wondering whether something was actually a planned use of symbolism or if he just put something in there and acted like it was intentional. I like having that structure to work out of, I use story structure meticulously in my scripts and I plan out articles with what may even look like a template to most people. But this time around, I didn’t really have anything. I started working on it too late and I ended up without much to show for it. But that’s just the way things go, right? Anyway, here’s what I think my answer is:

You live.

It’s as simple as that. You continue going. There’s no need for any sort of fancy explanation or philosophy to it. I can pull up another song lyric, I can quote some manga I really like, but it’s just as simple as that. We are alive, so we continue to live. We are still supporters, so we continue to support. And while that support may be different from person to person, we should do so together. Because not having someone to rely on when you’re troubled is tiresome. So whether you’re someone who simply ignores the pain or if you’re someone like me who is constantly screaming in agony over this team, we are all in the same boat. And because we are all together, we can keep going. That we really are holding each other up more than the club itself is why we can continue.

Look out for each other. Be there for each other. And always stand united in the face of pain.

That is how you live. Together.

A Quick Thank You

This is my last regularly scheduled column of the year. I want to take some time away from the Fire for the sake of my own mental health. I’ll likely be starting back up sometime late into the preseason, but I could come back once or twice in case something big happens in the meantime. Otherwise, I figure that I’ll skip my usual “Miscellaneous Notes” this week and just take the time to thank everyone who’s been reading my columns. I’m not sure about this one, but I’ll see how it does. However, I know that while I talk a lot and write stupidly long pieces that there are people who are always willing to read it.

If you are a regular reader and a regular content consumer of the Chicago Fire, I’d like to call a bit of an audible and just suggest that you do the same as me. The emotional and mental strain of being a Fire fan is enough already. Add on top of that the world that we live in and whatever else you may be dealing with, I think you should take time for yourself. Find some way to recharge away from the club and come back. Even if this is your escape, trust me it’s not a healthy place.

Be kind to yourself, be safe. And, as always, protect trans rights.

I love you.

And I’ll see you next year.